Reader must not mistake debate as an argument. Debate is a broader form of argument and it is well organised but here I want to share our thirst on day to day argument and perception in its outcomes. Person in heat of argument will always tries to win as his/her belief overshadows wisdom. Why do we always ascertain that volume will succeed when science of reasoning won’t? I can assume that we all are on agreement that winning such argument always leaves a nexus in the relationship. It is also very difficult to draw a line where argument should freeze as there is no boundary in friendship. In contrast it becomes easier with strangers. If we happen to evaluate the situation in leisure then we will find ourselves always at losing end as we might have lost potential friend/well-wisher in stranger. For time being we can contend by saying that we don’t care stranger but life may have its own plans to arrange another meeting between both.
|Cartoon source is internet. Not mine.|
I am not suggesting that we should completely avoid argument but I am sure we all should not create it a prestige issue while putting our point of view. Argument is part and parcel of our life. We engage in several arguments with various people such as friends, Cousins, loved ones, spouse, parents, boss, colleague at work and strangers as well. Argument topics could be anything; I leave this to reader’s imagination. Everyone has interest in some subject/fields and when one happen to challenge the same from another angle it is the best opportunity for both parties to argue and sharpen/broaden the knowledge repository. I personally have lost few friends for sake of winning an argument but was lucky enough to gain them back when meeting them in different forum. May be we both realised that if we really want to part away then we can look for better reason rather for minor reason of argument outcome. I realised that gaining them is more valuable in terms of moving ahead in life. It was not worth at all losing someone on argument behalf. This is also not a suggestion that we should compromise with our values just to keep our friends intact but we should not misinterpret argument outcome as our values. Friendship is something which is stronger than blood relation; it is only because part of our values system; character and a feeling of completeness is mirrored in another person who is called as ‘FRIEND’. So this relation should only get break when any of these parameters decline.
Our ancestor had told that person become mature in earning bread phase when he/she hits life reality. This is the phase where one’s wisdom is judged as it is broadly unwrapped from all sides. During this stage individual decisions are rarely challenged as it used to be during teenagers. Do you remember ‘As you sow, so shall you reap’ it means ‘something that you say which means everything that happens to you is a result of your own action. If we keep ourselves tied up for argument sake and busy handling its unpleasant consequences then we are missing lots of other opportunity which we might have created or grasped. We have heard Silence is golden but why we always miss an opportunity to apply it. Argument is best place to apply once you feel that you have put across your point politely and other party in no way inclined to accept then Silence is best medium to avoid aftermath consequence. You will soon realise that everyone is coming to a conclusion of some sort. But more we speak murkier it gets. Also it was rightly pointed by Thomas Carlyle ‘a man lives by believing something: not by debating and arguing about many things.’
Now another angle to look at argument is in form of constructive and destructive. If we are smart enough to judge the on-going argument status then it is win-win situation for all. However it is very hard to realise in middle of argument when to cease. From my past experience, what best I can suggest is to go in silence and listen to what other party is saying on culmination that no one is appreciating your view. You can pacify yourself with inkling that either you have piled up ideas which you can easily demolish with counter arguments (remember Edison quote from my previous blog Failure:What is it!) or you really have reaped some good points. In all ways you will be the winner. I remember a famous quote of Edward Koch ‘You punch me, I punch back. I do not believe it's good for ones self-respect to be a punching bag.’ Let’s not demolish our self- respect for argument sake.
Satender Kumar Mall